The Blood Potion
by Veilwuarrah
Summary: "Did you sense something?" The king asked, and Merlin looked at him frowning. "Sense something?" He was lost as to what Arthur was referring to. "Yes, you know.. sense something magical?" - Merlin has his doubts about reality when he wakes to find something very different about the world around him. Set after "The Dark Tower". Confusion; whump.
1. Chapter 1

**:D Happy New Year dear readers and fellow writers! And a very happy birthday to our dear Colin Morgan! **

**I thought, what better way to celebrate then a brand new fic, ey? ;) Hope you like! And may our new year be filled with  
COURAGE, STRENGTH and MAGIC**

**ever more~!**

**.*.*.*.**

It was bright, too bright; the sun above them was shining unnaturally bright. The forest seemed to be vivid; all the colors just way too vivid to be real. He blinked a few times but it did little change. It hurt his eye; it stung right into his skull, just like the sounds, that hurt his ear. They were loud. Their steps on the forest floor, the clinging of armor; all the birds just so very loud; as if they'd all wound up inside his head somehow and were doing all their best to make as much noise as they possibly could. Everything seemed vibrant, yet dimmed in the same time, almost suffocating; and painful like the air that hurt his lungs. It was cold, just too cold to breathe in, yet his face felt burning from the sun that peeked though the leaves.

Arthur was in front of him, the knights scattered out nearby in a line.

He had to focus. He did his best to keep up. He gripped the crossbow he was holding tighter and tried to compose himself, but something just wasn't right.

"We're not going to find it." – Gwaine gave a disappointed sigh still looking ahead.

Arthur puffed. Merlin knew the king wasn't happy about it, none the less agreed with his knight.

"Alright." – he said after a while. – "We make camp here."

Merlin wondered what was happening. Was he really this tired? It seemed like he was seeing all in front of him through an ever darkening window as the sides of his vision got blurry.

_Oh no.. something really is wrong.._ – he thought and tried to steady himself, taking a deep breath and hands reaching out desperately to grab something. He tried to call out but no sound came – or might have, but he didn't hear it.

He saw Arthur turn around and his annoyed expression quickly turned to shock as he saw him.

_"Merlin!" _– the king's voice was so distant. Suddenly he saw the crown of the trees, and that sun so bright, then the dark quickly claimed everything in front of him.

.*.

He heard whispers, careful rustling steps on the forest ground.

"Here's the water." – a low voice said, and someone moved next to him; realizing only then, that there actually was someone next to him.

Something damp was removed from his forehead, only to be replaced shortly after with it being colder then before. He hissed and flinched; he didn't expect that. Opening his eyes, he had to wait until his vision focused.

The first thing he saw was Arthur's rather concerned look.

"Art..hur?.." – he asked in a cracked voice.

The king smiled.

"Welcome back." – he said and removed the cloth, then reached for a cup and lifted his head so Merlin could drink.

His throat felt so dry, he avidly drank the water until he started gagging and the young man pulled the mug away.

"Easy.. easy." - Arthur set the water down, then looked at his servant again.

Merlin tried to lift his head to see where he is. He saw the horses, the trees, fireplace – _so they still were in the forest._ – he figured and let his head fall back. He felt very tired.

"He's awake?" – Gwaine stepped into his vision.

"Yes." – the king replied and turned back to the young man, wiping his forehead once again with the wet cloth. – "You gave us quite a scare. What happened?" – Arthur asked and as Merlin looked up at the blonde man he could see worry in his eyes, despite the smile he wore. He was surprised. He never saw the king like that. Sure, he often expressed his concerns, despite it turning into insults and banter, but somehow the warlock was still a little surprised, a little humbled.

Arthur raised his brows a little questioningly, wondering if his manservant understood the question or is about to pass out again; Merlin realized the king was still waiting for an answer. But really.. what _did_ happen?

"I.. I don't know." – he said slowly. – "One minute I was behind you, then.. nothing."

"Did you sense something?" – the king asked, and Merlin looked at him frowning.

"Sense something?" – he was lost as to what Arthur was referring to.

"Yes, you know.. sense something magical?"

Merlin's eyes widened and he felt his heart, his breathing his whole being pause there and then.

_"WHAT?!"_ – he sat up so abruptly he startled the king.

"Merlin, what's gotten into you?" – he asked grabbing the warlock's shoulders and gently pushed him back into a laying position. – "Calm down." – he said reassuringly. – "You're alright."

"M..magic?.." – he stammered.

"Yes, Merlin. Magic." – the king said with a puff, still holding the young man down. – "You know, when you start babbling in different languages, hold your hands out and your eyes glow and then things happen without anyone touching anything. Magic. Did you sense something magical and that's why you passed out?!" – he asked somewhat irked.

The young warlock couldn't spit and couldn't swallow; he just stared at the king with mouth agape and mind in shock.

"Suppose he knocked his head?" – Gwaine cut in, worriedly running his gaze between the king and his servant.

"No! I did not!" – he retorted looking at the knight. – "I don't know.." – he added looking back at Arthur. - "Y-you.. you know about my .. magic?"

"Of course I do. Everyone does." – he said with a frown and sat back. – "You sure you didn't knock yourself on the head?"

Merlin felt himself getting dizzy with confusion. Maybe he _did_ knock himself on the head. Yes, that would explain it all. Arthur can't know about his magic. Neither can Gwaine. They just _can't._

He felt a wave of panic wash over him and he suddenly was trying to get up again, little grateful that Arthur let him this time.

"Maybe you shouldn't.." – the knight said but the young man was standing before he even finished. Sure, he had a supporting hand on a tree but least he was on his feet again. He looked over himself but didn't see or feel any injuries, then ran his hand over his head but didn't feel any bumps or sore spots.

"I'm not injured." – he mumbled.

"You just passed out." – Gwaine said. – "Are you sure you didn't sense anything?"

"No.." - The young man carefully shook his head.

"Merlin, my friend!" – a man cheered, stepping out from behind a tree and as soon as he let the firewood he was carrying fall to the ground he stepped closer to the warlock. – "We were quite worried, I'm glad you are awake."

The young warlock's eyes widened again looking at the knight in front of him and he staggered backwards.

"No… it can't be.."

The world became very shaky again, very much lacking air.

"..catch him…!" – he heard Arthur, before once again all the lights went out in front of him.

.*.

"I don't know.."

"Perhaps something he ate?"

"We all had the same thing, and we are all fine."

"We should head back nonetheless."

"He _is_ running a little fever." – a hand pressed against his forehead. The whispers were not so quiet now, obvious worry in their tones as the knights tried to figure out what to do next.

_What was that?.. a dream?_ – Merlin wondered why a dream would play such a trick on him, and if that was indeed just a dream, what happened to him? How did he get unconscious? Last he recalled he was in a forest.

_There were birdsongs._ – yes, he still is in a forest.

But Arthur knowing about his magic.. and Lancelot being alive.. No, that cant be possible. Lancelot.. he died. _Died_. _Years_ ago. So it must have been a dream.

"Should one of us ride forth?" – a familiar voice asked and Merlin felt his stomach tense. _Still dreaming ey.. - _he thought to himself when he heard Lancelot speak.

"No.. I don't think that will be necessary. But we cant wait till morning. We leave now." – and without any warning the warlock felt being scooped up off the ground.

"No..!" – he groaned and flinched and showed he was very much awake, so Percival let him down to stand on his own. _They can't take him back to Camelot! They know of his magic! _– He pulled back still wobbling. -_ However, they didn't seem hostile or angry about it.. but.. but.. still.._

"_No…_ I'm not going back to Camelot..! I don't want to be burnt alive..!" - he said with a pang and running out of air, while he held his hand up nervously eyeing the men surrounding him.

"Merlin.. What? None is going to burn you.." – Arthur blurted out with utter confusion on his face looking at his servant incredulously.

"Calm down, Merlin.." – a knight said.

"_You_...!" – he pointed a threatening finger at Lancelot, and the knight returned a surprised look – "You are supposed to be _dead!_"

"Well, apparently I am not.." – he said plainly, finding the statement a little humorous.

"It's alright, mate.." – Gwaine stepped closer to him, his hands in the air to show he means no harm. – "You must have knocked yourself on the head."

"_No!_ Stay back!" – the manservant yelled back when he saw the others closing in on him as well. He really didn't want to use magic on them to keep them back, but..

Percival grabbed him from behind before he could ponder more and held him firm by wrapping his arms around him; a little too firm as he could barely manage to squeeze some air passed his grip into his lungs.

"_NO!_ Let me _go!_" – he screamed in a hoarse voice, panic really starting to take over him. – _"LET ME GO!"_ – his struggle an obvious waste of effort as Percival held him still like iron bars.

"Merlin, please.. Calm down.." – suddenly Arthur was in front of him and held his face between his palms and looked into those startled wide eyes – "Please calm down.." – he said pleadingly. His stomach sank to see the warlock's eyes moist from the obvious dread. – "You're safe, Merlin. None is going to.. burn you alive.." – the king said, uttering the horrible thing with disgust, and was taken aback how his friend could say such a thing. – "It's alright.. You're safe."

Merlin panted but kept quiet, looking at Arthur long and hard.

_Those blue eyes looked real enough._ - So it was either a vivid dream, or it was something else, and he was yet to figure out what it was.

He glanced over to Lancelot. - The man looked real enough as well.

He looked at Arthur again and after a few moment of silence Merlin nodded.

Percival slowly let him go and the warlock sank to the ground, burying his face in his palms. –_ What the hell was going on?_

Arthur crouched down in front of him, his hand not leaving his servant's shoulder and Merlin could hear him giving orders to the knights in gestures and whispers.

He couldn't bare to look up at them. He felt embarrassed about his hysterics, but sick to his stomach from the whole situation.

.*.

"Merlin?.." – a careful voice called out and the warlock woke to see the king next to him and his hand on his shoulder. He realized he was laying on the ground on his side with his arms crossed and couldn't remember how he got there. He then spotted Lancelot looking at him from a few feet away and he sat up abruptly.

"Come on." – Arthur said and stood offering his hand to the young man. Merlin looked at him, then his hand and grabbed the king's right.

He eyed the other knight, until Lancelot gave him a slight smile then took a step back and turned to grab his horse by the reins and mounted. Percival and Leon were on their horses as well; and looking around he saw the fireplace put out and everything packed up. - They were ready to leave.

Gwaine held the bridles of two horses and gave one to Arthur as the king got close and told him something. Merlin walked to his mount feeling the gaze of the others on him, and it felt _uncomfortable_. He kept his head down and pulled himself onto the horse. – _Great. Now they think he is insane._

As soon as he settled, he felt a tug behind him and before he could turn around he found Arthur to be sitting behind him.

"What are you doing?" – he asked suspiciously, spotting the young man's own horse getting tied to Gwaine's mount, then the knight mounted as well next to them.

"What? You think I will let you ride alone when you are like this? Something's obviously wrong with you. I don't want you to fall off your horse or something."

Merlin just frowned.

"Why are you so .. _worried_ about me?"

"Why are you asking so many stupid questions?" – he retorted with a hint of hurt in his voice.

The warlock clammed his mouth shut and urged his horse to go. He decided not to make a sound until he gets back to Camelot and talk to Gaius and.. -_ He glanced at Lancelot _- and figure this out somehow.

None of them said anything, and in the silence he could focus on himself again, as they strutted along the moonlit pathway.

The evening wind sent chills along his spine and he pulled his jacket tighter. It didn't help that he felt sweat run along his back. Arthur was right, something _was_ wrong with him. – _Or was it just the world around him?_

He eyed Lancelot a couple of times, then just watched the road as he felt his eyelids getting heavy. Riding at night was different then riding at day. The nightly sounds of the woods startled him from time to time, yet his head started to bob every now and again.

"Merlin.." - Arthur whispered behind him, the young man sure that none else heard him – "It's alright if you fall asleep."

He didn't reply. He just did.

.*.

_Weren't they looking for something in the forest?_ – he wondered as he woke to the sound of horseshoes hitting stone, and as he opened his eyes he recognized the gates of Camelot as they rode into the courtyard in the dim light of the dawn.

"Good morning." – he picked his head up to the king's voice. _Oh right, Arthur was riding behind him._ Then he noticed a blanket wrapped around him; they must've put it on him after he fell asleep.

"We're here already?" – he mumbled. Last he recalled they were several days ride away from Camelot; it can't be that he slept several days _– however what made sense anymore?_ He pushed the blanket down as it felt too hot, but regretted it once the cold morning air made him shiver and realized he was drenched in sweat.

"Home at last." – Gwaine said from next to them, and Merlin figured, he didn't care if they found what they were looking for or not, or they were days away from Camelot, or if he had slept for days, he was just really glad to be _home_.

It didn't surprise him that Arthur walked him up to the court physician's chamber, nor the fact that Gwaine came with them; - he even felt grateful, as by the time they came to the top of the stairs they had to support him. He just felt there was no strength left in his legs.

Gaius looked over them with concern as they stepped in; his sleepy gaze settling on his ward. Merlin looked pale and very sweaty, wrapped in the blanket.

"I'll be fine.." – he said heading towards his room. He wanted to be left alone to be able to finally talk to Gaius and tell him all he experienced.

He heard the king talk to his guardian in a shushed voice, but all he focused on was getting to his own bed, however he was forced to stop at the stairs, when the world became too wobbling in front of his eyes again, and he let himself be led to the cot in the main room, by the hands that gripped his shoulders.

"Gaius, can you give him something?" – he heard Arthur and he felt the elderly physician get on to examine him; his warm palm on his forehead, his other hand grabbing his wrist to check his pulse.

"What happened?" – the old man asked

"We don't know." – Gwaine said. – "He just passed out."

"He's burning up, and his heart is beating very fast." – Merlin heard the old man and he just closed his eyes. Whatever's wrong, he's in good hands now, and if the knight and the king will just go away he can talk to the old man. _Cant they just go away already?!_

He figured he might have fallen asleep as the next time he opened his eyes it was just him and his guardian in the room.

"Gaius.." – he whispered peering at the door as he gripped the old man's sleeve and urged him to lean close, to which the physician did so. – "They know of my magic.."

The old man lifted his eyebrows and stared at him in surprise, and Merlin waited for him so say something and expected him to say what they should do. However he didn't expect what he came out of his guardians mouth next.

"Merlin.. Of course they know. Everyone knows."

The young warlock felt the world turn upside down with him.

**.*.**

**o.O My apologies in advance to any typos.. I think I might have had a bit too much booze xD; but hey.. I'm sure Gwaine would be proud!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Alright, first off _"Where it ends and where it begins"_ is now known as _"The Blood Potion"_ because I'm a sad person and kept forgetting the title. - **_don't mind me. *facedesk*_

**_Update galore!_ So here's second run on this story as well.. along with other fics of mine getting updates!**

**Hope you will like it. I'm curious for opinions, so if you have the time, please give me feedback~**

**Enjoy~**

**.*.**

He yawned long and stretched, ending it with a groan.

Merlin took note of the sunlight coming in through his window and enjoyed the warmness it gave as it hit his face where he lay on his bed. He smiled, even closing his eyes to give himself fully to the moment. However the moment only lasted until he started remembering events of before. - _Nah.. it had to be a dream - _He brushed it off and rubbed his eyes.

It would be too good to have everyone know of his magic; _and_ _accept_ it; _Arthur __of all people _to accept it.. He has changed a lot in many aspects since the first time they met, and has come a long way in his views on sorcery as well, but the warlock wasn't sure the king would be ready to find out about it just yet. Not with Morgana running around and out to kill him_ with magic_.

And _Lancelot.._ - It pained him, and as much as he would have liked for the knight to still be around, he was gone. _More than four years now.._ he marveled how the years had passed, letting his mind wander for a bit, reminiscing about the times the man was still around.

_"Everyone knows."_Suddenly going over various scenarios, he smiled to himself thinking how easier it would be, to have his secret in the open and no longer being forced to hide. Chores done fast and easy; no more getting messy when mucking out the stables; no more hiding in fights, _(he could show off for once, how he can take on bandits just as good as any knight AND without a sword!)_and no doubt the prat would make him juggle and entertain them. - Merlin still smiled though. Camelot could be a safe home again for those that practice magic. His smile faded into a frown thinking of how things actually are at the moment. He didn't want to think about it much. The threats were too many and too close and he felt it was weighing him down too much at times, coating his wakeful hours in a constant self-consuming mist of worry. Even Arthur remarked how he smiles less and less. That vision he had, Mordred being closer then ever, Morgana sinking deeper and deeper into darkness and loathing, add to that all the renegade groups of magic users that from time to time decided to take matters into their own hand, and there was politics, with lords and taxes and borders and.. too much. _Just. Too. Much. _He rubbed his eyes, as if trying to shoo the thoughts to leave him. It was time to get up anyway.

He sat up with a groan, wondering what time it could be, as the sun seemed too bright, but the town seemed too silent. He noticed how uncomfortably sweaty he is again; the cloth of his nightshirt drenched and sticking to his body. – _No wonder, after a scare like that.__ But.. weren't they in a forest? He clearly remembered riding out. They were in a hurry too. Merlin scratched his head, trying to remember, but he got the feeling that dream and reality was getting too intertwined in his mind to be told apart at the moment._

The warlock sighed and proceeded to pull at his shirt to remove it, figuring he will have time to sort the mental images throughout the day, especially if he will have Arthur's socks to wash, - he always managed to get a good deal of thinking done while doing the laundry; but the clothing proved to be a bit more difficult to tackle than he anticipated, and soon he found himself stuck with the shirt halfway on his back and over his head as he struggled to take it off.

He heard a knock on his door. - It seemed odd to have Gaius knock, but then the door just opened and he heard someone rush in. He couldn't see who it was, and didn't recognize the steps either, but the next minute hands reached for his shirt and helped him get out of it. - The thing was really sticking to his skin like glue and he felt grateful for the assistance.

"My_ gosh_, Merlin, what were you _doing_ last night?" A female voice said half giggling, and the manservant froze in place. It wasn't the fact that it was a female voice; it was more of the fact that who it belonged to that terrified him.

As soon as he was no longer the shirt's prisoner, he picked his head up and glared at the young woman; and the next moment had him backing into the wall behind him in a jump and with such rush he even smacked the back of his head against it; but Merlin gave it no thought, he just looked ahead with eyes wide and mouth agape and a terrible _terrible_ feeling gripping his whole being.

"Come now, Merlin, it's not like I haven't seen you without your clothes." She chuckled tossing his shirt to the side, keeping her playful emerald gaze on him. She wore a blue dress, her dark flocks waving around her shoulders and she stood proud in the small room of the manservant.

_Complete shock_ was a pathetic understatement for Merlin.

_"W-wha..hh..ow?"_ It was supposed to be a question, but somehow he had a hard time making it sound like that.

She furrowed her brows in slight confusion, her smile not leaving her lips as she eyed him.

"Merlin.. what's wrong?" she asked kindly and moved a little closer, causing the young man to pull back even more – if that was even possible.

_What's wrong?! Everything's wrong!_

_"Wha?! What are you doing here Morgana?! What do you want?! why.."_The young man felt he was running out of breath again for some reason.

"Calm down, Merlin.." Morgana said a little hurt, unsure what to make of his behavior.

She took another step towards him, attempting to sit next to him, but the young man jumped right off of his cot, or rather he tried, but once his feet got caught in the tangled sheets, that were just as drenched as his shirt has been, he just fell on the ground with a loud thud, and for lack of better idea he scurried into the corner, bumping his back into barrels and just staring at the woman with dread.

"Merlin.. It's _me_, Morgana." The young woman looked at him with growing concern and fading smile, little did she know that was _exactly_ what was upsetting the young man so much. She slowly approached him and crouched down next to him, all the while Merlin tried his best to pull away from her, and if he could have he probably would have become one with the wall or a barrel behind his back. The young man suddenly felt too exhausted again to move away and his erratic breathing wasn't helping, nor the fact that his frantic heartbeat felt to be drumming in his ears and said organ was about to jump out his throat.

"You.. y ou.. what are you.. doing..?" He squeezed through in a hoarse voice, his mouth becoming dry. He felt too lightheaded to fight back, so just sat with his back tight against the hard wood. _How the hell did she get in here? Mordred..! It had to be Mordred, like the Killgharrah had said, there will be an alliance between those two._

"Shh.." Morgana shushed him, running her hands along his face_ – to which the warlock just flinched - _and looked at the warlock with genuine worry in her eyes. "It's alright, Merlin.." She whispered in a reassuring tone and looked to the side, then held her hand out, uttering a word Merlin was familiar with as well, and a glass of water obediently came to her calling from the small table. "Here, drink."

"No.." He tried to turn away.

"It's just water."

„_I don't want it!_" Merlin clamored finding his voice and with a swish of his hand he knocked the cup out of the woman's grip and sent the water spilling and the cup rolling, and once again the only sound in the small room was the goblet's clanging and the warlock's labored breathing. _There had to be some magic at work_, he knew, otherwise what else could get him so breathless and weak?_ "I don't want anything from you!_" he added through gritted teeth and shook his head, not taking his eyes off the witch. _"Where's Mordred?! What did you do?!"_

Morgana became dead quiet; her wide eyes pinned on him, slowly filled with tears and Merlin was expecting that malicious expression he'd seen many times to take over; he was waiting for her to viciously smile and mock him and call him a thorn in her side and torture him with spells and toy with him; anticipated to hear the smug tone giving off bits and pieces of her plan while he struggles for his life in her grasp; he expected her to stand sure of herself, confident and trusting in the success of her plan, but instead she just swallowed hard, fighting her tears and she nodded nervously, avoiding his glance.

"It's alright, Merlin.. it's alright.." she whispered barely audible; and instead of malice there was concern; and instead of a maniacal grin there was a frown on her beautiful face; and she just looked at him, and confused the warlock even more.

"I know what happened.." she said averting her eyes again, obviously fighting the urge to reach out to him, as he would flinch at any approach, but she wanted to feel him close and know him safe, and understanding that he is in good hands. "Arthur told me about the patrol. Said you may have hit your head.. Magic or not, an injury is an injury, and with the illness.. I told him it's too early.. I _told_ him, but you know what a stubborn oaf he can be! He said the ride would do you good. Then this happens.. But its okay, Merlin.. its alright.." she whispered swallowing hard again; tears streaming down her face and tried to reach out to him once again, but his horror grew with each attempt and he fought back, swatting her hands away again and again, so she just sat crouched in front of him „Please Merlin.. You mustn't sit on the floor." she said and tried to grab his arm, while he just continued to shake her hands off.

"Merlin.. .._please._." she said pleadingly.

"No.. no..! Don't touch me!_"_

"I beg you, Merlin.. Let me help you.."

_"NO!"_

"What is going on in here?" an elderly voice called and there were footsteps approaching from outside the half-closed door, yet Morgana still tried to get a hold of the warlock.

_"LEAVE ME ALONE!" _Merlin roared and figured its going to be the only way out of this, so his eyes flashed gold as the woman in front of him flew back against the cupboard and he quickly struggled to his feet, and he lifted his hand not taking his eyes off of her.

"Merlin!" Gaius yelled in horror as he stepped in and glared at the figure on the ground, and for a second it seemed he will run to Morgana, but instead he faced his ward; and the next moment something completely unexpected happened to Merlin, and he found himself slamming into the wall and something held him against it tightly.

"Gaius! she..hk.!" The warlock wondered just when did Morgana become so strong to do such a spell without even looking up, but he decided he will have time to wonder about that later. Now he had to get the physician to safety and out of the room. "Gnh.. no.. gai.. ss… run agh.." but then he caught site of his guardian, and words caught in his throat, not just from the spell that pressed against him, but of the surprise in seeing Gaius with a raised hand and golden flash in his eyes.

_This had to be a dream. It just had to._

"What has gotten into you, boy?" the elderly man called out incredulously.

Merlin however couldn't really find words, nor was able to utter any, even if he tried. The pressure didn't increase, but he was kept still and all he could do is let out a pained groan then came to the conclusion it's best if he just shuts up. _Dream or not, that hurt._

"My Lady, are you alright?" The old man asked worriedly and the warlock watched his guardian turn to the witch, keeping a hand in the air in his direction.

"Yes, yes Gaius, I'm fine" The woman got to her feet with the help of the elderly man.

"I am so sorry, Lady Morgana.."

"It's quite alright, Gaius. It's not your fault.." she smiled weakly.

Then they both turned to face Merlin and the warlock felt tears welling up in his eyes, may it be lack of breath or the spinning of his vision or just the plain sight in front of him of his mentor helping his enemy, and his enemy being right in his own room..

Then they stepped towards him and if he thought he was scared before, it grew tenfold.

"Merlin.." His guardian called out, but all the warlock managed was a pathetic whimper as response. He could fight Morgana, he's grown passed his guilt or remorse or pity over her, he grew out if it a long time ago; he _would_ fight her - but not his mentor; not the man he saw each day, the man that took him in and shared his life with since he set foot in Camelot; not the very person who was like a father to him.

And yet that very person held him pinned against the wall with a spell so powerful, he was amazed the old man could perform with such ease after so many years of inactiveness.

"Merlin listen to me.." He spoke again and lowered his arm, but the young man still felt pinned to the wall somehow, and didn't dare to speak or move, instead he squeezed his eyes shut and swallowed the whimpers away from his tightened throat.

"Merlin, please.." Morgana coaxed and the young man looked at her sharply, but then he realized she was so different. She was.. clean and fair, and beautiful; seemed younger and full of life and she had tears in her eyes as she looked at him with nothing but genuine concern. _Was this the past..? _He wondered.

"Merlin you need to rest. You need to lie down.." And somehow he found himself on his bed though he clearly felt the wall behind him a second ago, and there were hands holding him down, but he was too dizzy to look for who they belonged to.

"You need to take your medicine, Merlin. You need to take it easy.." He heard Gaius speak again and it felt like he was sinking into something dark and liquid and barely holding his head above water, when he could feel the drenched pillow under his nape.

"I'll talk to Arthur, leave him to me. I'll make sure he gives you a few days off to rest." Morgana mumbled, seemingly still fighting her tears yet somehow determined, and it was all becoming hazy for the young man. Then he saw a small vial of red tonic appear in his vision and wondered what it could be.

All the draughts and medicine he got for the usual illnesses, - a bad stomach, a morning after a night in the tavern, wounds, headaches, infections, with the occasional anti-fever potions, and sleeping draughts; he knew them by heart, he knew them by color and smell. However he had never seen such a vivid red potion before; and the smell was something metallic and foreign.

"You have to drink this."

He shut his eyes tight.

"Merlin, you need to.."

He tried to turn away. It smelled so awful..

"Merlin, please don't make me do this.." And as soon as he heard it, he felt the physicians hand on his jaw, trying to force it open; to have him swallow the tonic.

No. _No. _This can't be happening! _He panicked. _This can't be real! They.. they were in a hurry. They got to the forest then something happened.. _Not this! _There was no ambush, no bandits.. but something else DID happen... but couldn't for the life of him recall what that was. They were looking for something.. something _very important_...

He glared up with the most furious look he could muster, huffing and puffing thought his nose, lips shut tight, but it was futile. This was Gaius.. and imaginary or a fake or an enchanted one.. he still was the warlock's guardian; the very man that stood by his side and guided him when he was in trouble.

"Come on, _Merlin_.." his voice somehow sounded inside Merlin's head. And somewhere at the back of his mind he realized he is being childish. He clearly wasn't well and this was _Gaius_.. and there was someone else next to him, he sort of forgot who it was for a moment, but this was Gaius and there was no way the old man would do anything to hurt him, so it was only natural to take the potion. So after some reasoning, he did.. _and by the gods it tasted awful_. He gagged and coughed through it.

_No.. this can't be real!_ A part of him still fought against what he was seeing and feeling; he coughed at the taste. No.. _this was Gaius_, another voice said and willed him to relax and let things happen.

_It's Gaius.. _the man that not once proved to be willing to give his life for him. It was his guardian in every sense of the word and no matter how twisted all this seemed, he could not distrust him. The red potion came closer to his mouth again and the old physician kept on talking; muttering to him in encouragement; convincing, coaxing him into drinking it. And Merlin gave in, drinking more of it as the physician let it pour down his throat in small portions. It had a horrible metallic taste and it made him shake as it went down his gullet. Each time gagged on it the old man pulled the vial away so he can catch his breath.

"No need to hurry.. just take it easy." He said and pressed the vial against Merlin's lips again.

_No.._ He tried to turn away. _Enough.._

"Come on.. just few more gulps Merlin, you have it down almost.."

He drunk the rest of it. The taste was horrible and the potion somehow was _warm_.

"Oahh..." He moaned at the end, and was expecting the bad feeling of it to go away, but somehow it just didn't.

"Good, good.. you'll be alright, my boy." The old man said in a fatherly tone and patted his head, but Merlin could only reply with a muffed whimper as the liquid started to burn his throat and he involuntarily convulsed from a foreign pain that waved through his body.

"You'll be alright, Merlin" a young man said and the warlock snapped his eyes open to see who it was.

It was Arthur. He held his manservant down by the shoulders, pinned on his cot, and his top felt incredibly sweaty. _Didn't he just take that off? Someone even helped him.. _He started shivering and his teeth chattered together and he wanted to call out to his king, to warn him. To warn him.. of.. of.. something. _But what?_

Another wave of pain and the last thing he saw was Arthur's worried frown above him and his strong grip holding him firmly in place.

.

He felt laying on his stomach the next time he woke and he heard people talking just outside his door. The room was wobbling dangerously in front of his eyes, so he didn't even consider moving. He just listened.

"_Mordred?_.. why would he mention Mordred?.. he.."

"I don't know, Sire.. I just.. I know they were close. The young boy looked up to him. He adored him. Its unfortunate that he died.. and the way he did.."

"Indeed.."

"But for some reason Merlin called out about him. Asked the Lady Morgana where he is.."

"She's upset. I know.." there was a heavy sigh before he continued "I know she blames herself for his death.."

"We must not give much thought about this. Merlin had a fit, clearly he was delusional. It was the illness. Morgana will understand."

_Morgana might.. but he sure as hell didn't._ Merlin thought and he spotted a perfectly full little red bottle on his table. It had that potion in it; that blood red potion; and even a mere glance at it made him remember the horrid metallic and warm taste of it.

Instead of thinking, he decided to go back to sleep.

**.*.**


	3. Chapter 3

**About time I update this one as well, don't you think? ;) Lookit! New cover photo!** (Not so new, but meh..) **Thanks much for all the lovely reviews and favorites/follows you've given me.. I feel loved ~ Feedback is always appreciated.. **

**So..confusion awaits! On with the fic! Enjoy~**

.*.

He sat up in his bed with a jolt. It was dark outside, and he could barely make out the shapes in his room. He felt a little sweaty, and he frantically ran his hand across his chest and sides, pausing on his right thigh. He wasn't injured. _Of course he wasn't injured, why would he be?!_ He looked at the door, there was some faint brightness showing, but there was silence, and the warlock figured the light was merely the fireplace; or a candle keeping the physician company as he probably was leaning over an old tome and reading late into the night. He pulled his feet up, resting elbows on his knees and rubbed his face. His thoughts felt all jumbled up, he was relieved to be awake.

"Merlin?" He heard shuffling and picked his head up, as the door to his room creaked open, to reveal his guardian's silhouette in the dim light.

"I'm awake, Gaius.." he said slowly as the old man stood eyeing him, and suddenly it bothered him that he couldn't see the man's expression in the shadow. He decided to remain carefully quiet, to let reality unfold itself to him this time. - _If _this was reality. He wasn't sure anymore.

"How are you feeling?" the physician came closer to stand next to him.

"..'m fine." He nodded. "I feel fine." Merlin swallowed thickly and nervously looked at the elderly man, trying to get a glimpse of his expression in the darkness as the wrinkled hand pressed against his forehead. His mouth felt so dry.

"You should come and have your breakfast before you'll be late.."

The warlock wanted to point out that it was still dark outside, but he found himself sitting at the table all dressed; with dawn just outside the window and a neckerchief tied just a bit too tight around his neck. He was desperately trying to mend it, when he spotted a vial of red liquid on the corner of the table, and froze; feeling the mere sight of it sending shivers down his spine.

_The forest._ He recalled. Yes! Yes, there was something about a forest; and the knights; and Arthur and he was there too.. But _what _about the forest? - He rubbed his temple in attempt to remember. They were doing something there. He was sure of it, but couldn't remember what, and he felt a pang of fear thinking he already forgot something of importance about the forest. He stole a glance towards his guardian, the old man now fiddling with a cauldron at the hearth, and decided against asking him. _Should note it down._ Yes! That's a better idea already. He looked around to get a piece of parchment, but the tables were all covered in herbs and vials and jars of seeds, and other suspicious looking things, and no amount of rummaging through them would produce anything he could use. _He'll write it in his spell book! _He jumped to the idea and started picking at the wood of the table, wondering to himself why he is doing that, when the book was under the floor in his room.

"Merlin, what are you _doing_?" he picked his head up, realizing he was in fact kneeling in his room, trying to get the loose floorboard up to retrieve his book, with bright sunshine hitting his face, but the plank just wasn't giving in, and he again felt uneasy to look into his guardian's scrutinizing eyes, that seemed to be bigger and darker then he remembered them to be, and more intimidating then he felt comfortable with.

"Ehm.." Merlin shook his head, squeezing his lips shut. "Nothing. Just checking the floor." Gaius's eyebrow sank up towards his hairline at that.

"Eat your soup. Arthur will be calling for you soon." The old man said and put a bowl down in front of him, that suddenly was a large plate of _things; _up close to his face; and he stepped down from a chair he was crouching on and which was wobbling dangerously under him. - _How did he get up th...? Nevermind._

_Forest__._

He had to note that down, he thought again, and didn't dare to think he was slowly forgetting _why_ he has to note it down.

_Looking for something._

Right. Right. He gave up looking for a quill and picked up a half burnt piece of wood instead, trying to engrave some letters onto the wooden surface of the table. _Why not a piece of paper? _He wondered how irrational writing on the table was. Not to mention how hard it seemed to be done; he could barely make out the letters he tried to write down, thinking it was the dim light at fault, but the word didn't resemble "forest" when he looked down on it. But it was deemed 'close enough'.

"_Hurry up_, Merlin!" he heard Gaius's impatient voice and he turned towards his meal in a rush, meantime spotting, that there were now _two_ bottles of red liquid on the corner of the table. He marveled how he felt intimidated by a mere medicine and he swallowed hard, eyeing them.

"Queen Mithian will be riding out for a hunt today. You will need to help out."

_"WHAT?!" _he picked his head up so fast his neck burnt with pain at the sudden movement. But the physician obviously misunderstood his shock. "Well what do you think you need to hurry for, my boy?"

"Queen Mithian?"

"Yes, yes, Queen Guinevere. Now hurry up!"

For a second Merlin wondered if he misheard, or Arthur had two wives all of a sudden, but turned towards his plate to eat instead, feeling hungry; however he ended up staring at the odd looking thorns and plants and cream colored shapeless smudge, and something that looked like a fat fish that's been dead for .. well, for a good while now.

"Eat up! You will need your strength."

Merlin wanted to ask how a dead fish will help him keep his strength up, instead of making him sick, but then his hand moved on his own and picked up a piece of _something_ that resembled a dried pickled egg, with suspicious holes in it and took a bite out of it and realized it tasted very much like freshly cooked fish. – least that was edible, he figured and wanted to reach for the other one, to avoid any other suspicious looking item on the plate, but his hand gripped the tail of the fish instead and lifting it, revealed to be something else, that was bony and rather similar to a decaying lamb's leg, of which he couldn't decide he was holding it, or _it_ was holding onto _his_ hand, and again he took a bite of the disturbing looking flesh and found it to be very delicious. So he ate. He had no idea what he was eating, but he ate it, because he felt hungry and no matter the disgusting look, it tasted like the best warm meal he ever had.

Yet despite all that, Merlin swore to himself if this is the witch's work and he will get to face off Morgana, he will make her eat this stuff as well. Then he will kill her. Plain as that.

_Hurry up! Hurry up! Hurry up!_

He ate in a rush then looked around and something caught his attention.

"Gaius? Where are all the books?"

The physician turned around to face him and dropped his hands and whatever he was doing. - It really seemed unnatural_._ He had looked at Merlin like that a few times, but mostly the stance was reserved for Arthur, when the old man was about to lie. Well. Not exactly lie, but rather _'present an alternate version of the truth' _or simply get the inquirer off track.

_"_Geoffrey promised to mend them. They were all pretty ruined and used. He said he can fix it." He said plainly.

Well, that made sense, Merlin thought, some of them had accumulated decades worth of dust, others were torn and used from too much reading, or simply time and moths and mice ate away the covers.

"But, all of it?" Merlin was surprised. "You never let them out of your sight. Especially your own works.." The chamber indeed lacked any books. Instead there were jars and herbs and all means of instruments, but the all too familiar parchments and scrolls and old tomes were missing. No notes, no books, nothing. _No wonder he couldn't find a piece of paper. _Merlin also caught sight of several small bottles with the red tonic in them scattered around the shelves; and suddenly he was getting that uneasy feeling that he was being threatened. Yet he found his guardian to be standing there the same when he looked at him again.

"Yes. **Sometimes things need a bit of fix to get better**." The physician added in a colorless tone, if a little forcefully.

"I'll go by the library then.." the warlock muttered, glancing around again, taking in the book-less sight and the amount of the small potions present. _Were those things multiplying?_

"Why would you do that..?" Gaius asked oddly and looking at him, Merlin spotted that his levered hands now held a small bottle instead, and it made shivers run uncomfortably up and down the young man's back. He _was_ being threatened. And no way he was going to swallow another one of those again..

"No.. You're right. It's more important I go see Arthur." He said, adding a confident nod and a tentative of a smile and prayed his voice didn't shake as much as he felt his insides did. He jumped to his feet and headed to the door.

"And just where do you think you're going?"

"To.. wake Arthur?" He turned around to a reproachful looking physician.

Gaius waved at him and turned towards the leech-tank. "You are already late anyway. **_You are always late, it just might be the end of you one day.._**_"_

Merlin's feet rooted into the floor. Never had he heard such an icy tone from the old man, not even when he was scolding him for something; and suddenly he felt overwhelmed.

"I'm… I'm sorry.. I don't mean to be late all the time.." he mumbled. Those words hurt. They hurt a lot, in fact they hurt more then they should have and he was wiping a loose tear off his face as he stood there.

**_"Sorry won't cut it if it costs lives, now will it, my boy?"_** the cruel voice continued as the warlock watched the back of his unmoving guardian.

"It.. it wont.." Merlin suddenly felt small and worthless. " 'm.. I'm going.. to the kings chambers." He cleared his throat and turned towards the door again.

"He's probably not there."

"Where is he then?" Merlin looked back at the old man again, him still facing the leech-tank, but this time lifting his head, looking at something above it.

"Down at the training fields, I presume. There is an army marching towards Camelot after all."

Merlin sprung around. _"What?"_

"Don't just stand there, boy! Hurry up!" Gaius was urging him again, but then he was suddenly up close to the raven-haired and pulled him into a tight hug, whispering in his ear an all familiar, _"Be careful, Merlin." _and this time the voice seemed genuine and whisper-like that echoed in his ears.

.*.

His head was swimming as he walked along the hallways, running a hand on the wall for support. He has since given up on rushing up the stairs or hurrying along the corridors; running was down right impossible. Somehow he got incredibly worn out by doing that; and felt he was rather moving in one place than progressing ahead, not to mention the stairs felt like he was climbing with his hands instead of his feet. _For a split second he didn't even know where he was in the castle._

He stopped to catch his breath and leant against the wall. He had to go see Arthur, it was important. He also knew there was something else very important he wanted to do, that had to do with Arthur and noting something down, but couldn't for the life of him remember what it was. He wondered just how mad Arthur will get if he would ask him about it. Surely the clotpole will flip his lid over his manservant being so forgetful, but what can he do, he just couldn't recall what he should have noted down. He was ill after all? - _Was he really? -_ But at least Arthur will hopefully supply him with the necessary quill and parchment, as low and behold the physician just didn't have any.

His thoughts halted as soon as he spotted a small bottle on the windowsill just in front of him. He wouldn't have seen it, but the wind decided to move the curtains in that moment and so the blood red potion revealed itself.

_Who in their right minds would leave potions around like that? _Merlin wondered, but then again, this little potion seemed to have something odd about it, and the warlock suddenly decided to investigate and find out just what that is.

He pushed himself off the wall and peeked around to be sure he's alone on the corridor before grasping the small bottle – again, feeling curiously warm to the touch, and it was red as blood. There didn't seem to be anything peculiar about it. It was full and the liquid was thick, turning it around in his hand told him as much. Merlin didn't know what's in it, why is it warm or what's it supposed to do, only that it tasted horrible and it made him sick, and that he was supposed to be taking it. But right now it just seemed like a harmless bottle. _– Not so tough now, are you?_ – He thought to himself, thinking how intimidated he felt by the tonic a few minutes ago. As if only to reply to his thoughts there was an odd tingling about the bottle and the next moment an eye opened, pressed tight against the inside of the bottle and looked straight into Merlin's blues, then the cork seemed to shiver and the red liquid started to seep through and flow down in a line on the side of the bottle.

Startled speechless, Merlin drew a deep breath and tossed the bottle once seeing this happen and before he could control what's happening the vial flew out the window, before the thick red liquid could touch his skin.

_What the hell was that?! _– he took a few deep breaths to calm his fright. Gaius doesn't use _eyeballs_ in his potions.. _does he?!_ Snake's eyes to be precise - he recalled the look of it, as he nervously kept wiping his hand against his tunic with which he previously held the odd medicine with, despite the concoction not touching his skin. Then he spotted a pair of doors that seemed familiar and upon a closer look he noticed they were the doors to the library! It took him a moment to snap out of the amazement from the realization of just what that meant, and jumped towards it grabbing both door-wing's handles.

_Answers at last! _He thought gleefully and tore the doors open, and was about to jump forward, but came to an abrupt halt as he found himself staring at a very solid rock wall.

_What the..?_

* * *

**Wisegirl6: No need to be desperate, here's the update! And I'm glad to say next chapter is under construction as well. If this story confuses you, then it's good, if you find it amazing, then I'm happy xD Thanks lots for the review!**

**natcel: Heya :D I'm really glad you like this story.. it's a little personal fav of mine as well, as it's quite different from the rest. Hope you liked this chapter as well~ Thanks for reviewing!**

**laura: THANKS!**

**Sahba: Thanks, and there ye go, update..**

**Guest: Oh, who knows what happens next.. one can never know.. ;)**


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